DRESS, MEET... DOORBITCH

  Ah Mah Gawd... Paris Fashion Week is upon us! And what better way to re-energise after an exhausting day flitting around town looking impeccable than by shimmying in a boîte de nuit. Don your most excessive order from Spring 2014 Couture and prepare your most steely of Blue Steels to get past the Sphinx-like doorbitches... bon courage!

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Designed by David Lynch and named after the eery theatre in 'Mulholland Drive', Silencio opens its doors to non-members after midnight. Put on a blonde wig and feign amnesia for shits and gigs.

Silencio, 142 Rue Montmartre 75002

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The contrast between the sex shops and sleaze of Pigalle and the rococo architecture inside this sumptuous hôtel particulier turned nightclub is striking. Whisper sweet nothings to your new lover in the giant birdcage if you are feeling decadent...

Le Carmen 34 Rue Duperré, 75009

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Considered even more exclusive than Le Baron, you will probably need to be on the list to get in during FW. (Dear reader, please don't think that I doubt your charm and beauty. You are a magnificent pearl amongst swine.) However, if you are chummy with André or can blag it, enjoy dancing with abandon at a club where Parisians really let their hair down...

Le Montana, 28 rue Saint-Benoît 75006

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Located in the stunning Jardins de Bagatelle in the Bois de Boulogne, this is the biggest outdoor club in Paris. Make sure you take a taxi and avoid a long walk through winding park roads known to be a pick-up spot for ladies of the night! Open from June through August, it is often a soirée déguisée (fancy dress).

Bagatelle, 42 Route de Sèvres 75016

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Théâtre Comédia, 4 Boulevard de Strasbourg, 75010

As for me, I am seeing the Mugler Follies cabaret tonight! Sure to be a delirious riot of camp bug-women doing the can-can, I am dying with excitement. So as not to be out-shone by a 6ft amazon showgirl in a sexy alien costume, I shall be wearing this  fabulous fuschia coat from AW 14-15 Fyodor Golan ready to wear!

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Mon Dieu! Taxis tonight for me, sweetie darling...

Bisous,

E